Mikes spiritual path & purpose.
I know nothing. Nothing I tell you is true, nothing I tell you is false. I am nothing, except for that which God calls me to be.
My life until the summer of 2016 was a struggle. My childhood filled with trauma. I didn’t value myself; I didn’t love myself. I gave to others, not because of a good heart, but because religious and social conditioning. I worked long hours and still we never had enough. I felt like a failure as a husband and father for eighteen years. In 2004 I was badly injured on the job and lost my physical ability to do manual labor, which was all I felt I was good at and worthy of. I found other work, that for the most part, I hated. In 2012 I found work I loved, but it was LONG hours that took me away from my family.
I dedicated 38 years to ego and materialistic pursuits. Self-service. I always felt called to something deeper my whole life, like I should be living a life of servitude to God. But in my world the only God was the religion of the bible, a religion that felt wrong to me.
In the summer of 2016, I watched my youngest son, Chris die of the onset of type 1 diabetes. Something that only kills 1% of people in 1st world countries. It was a horrible death and it tore my family and me to pieces. This loss ended my life too. All that I had chased, all that I had believed, came to an end. Nothing mattered anymore. I set about planning my own death so that my wife could receive death benefits. In this darkness, in this ego death, I met an amazing shaman, my Maestra, Anita Scott.
At our first meeting, she saw this death in me. She offered to sit in an Ayahuasca Ceremony with me. At first, I refused, because after all its just DMT and I didn’t understand how hallucinogens could help me. And I didn’t think I deserved to heal. I resisted for months, only focused on timing my death so that my family received all that I was worth from insurance.
After almost 6 months of this hell, after watching my wife receive tremendous healing in Ceremony, I finally surrendered, and attended a 2-night Ceremony. The first night was horrible. We witnessed many dark things, things outside of ourselves. I went through a torturous ego death. All of my brokenness, all of my physical pain, all of my fears came rushing to the surface. I saw all that I suffered in this life and was shown it in all its disgusting fetid horror, and in all its divine beauty. During the second night, Mother Ayahuasca showed me why I should let go of the pain and the grief. She showed me how to let go of my wish to die and why life is so worthy of experiencing. It wasn’t these first experiences in Ceremony that finally placed me on my path though.
It was during my third ceremony, when I learned why I should love myself, for me, not for what I do, or who places value on me, but because I am whole and complete in God. The awakening of Spirit within me set me on this pursuit. I have dedicated myself to helping others see their own divinity and oneness with God.